Well friends, wedding season is in full swing. I have this love/hate relationship with weddings. I love the planning part, I love hearing and seeing the different things the brides do and I love that each wedding is different. I love the detail of the weddings. (Yes, my dream job is a wedding/event planner!). I hate the awkwardness of being a single person at a wedding. The awkwardness of showing up by myself and slipping in the back, hoping no one sees me and definitely praying I don’t have an usher escort me down the aisle because then everyone at the whole wedding knows I’m there by myself (yes, it’s called anxiety, I know).
And then the reception….oh the reception. Alcohol is my best friend at weddings, no, I don’t get crazy drunk, but buzzed just enough to have an enjoyable, relaxed time and maybe dance a little bit, yes (if I have a DD, that is). But then, then it happens…the slow song comes on & like a kid at a middle school dance, there I am awkwardly sitting at the empty table while everyone else dances with their dates and significant others… Queue the nervous cell phone starring & not making eye contact with any. one….or the perfect time for a bathroom break, slip off the the restroom and reapply make up and enjoy the song from afar!
It’s safe to say, if you haven’t noticed yet. Weddings are a great anxiety inducer for me. I so so much wish I was the confident, single girl who could talk to strangers and have a great time at weddings but I’m not an outgoing person so that doesn’t happen for me. Don’t get me wrong, I always enjoy time spent with family and friends at weddings though.
I always joke (with a hint of seriousness) that I have my whole wedding planned out on Pinterest, I just need the man! haha. I often wonder why I have had to wait to long and struggle greatly with this part of my life. Why I’ve had to attend countless weddings and be in 5 weddings with out a date. But I also wonder what man God has in mind for me…is it someone I already know but we haven’t seen the connection yet? Someone I will meet at work? Online? Through a friend? Or will it be one of those unreal stories of how we met?…
I honestly, truly believe that God has someone for me. And I have absolutely no idea why He hasn’t revealed him to me yet. It’s frustrating, but it’s also taught me to pray, it’s taught me to believe what I pray and expect an answer. It’s taught me to be okay with going to do some things alone and it’s brought me here.
In the book I mentioned in the first post, Beautiful Uncertainty, Mandy Hale has this prayer in her introduction…
“God, help me see the good in the not knowing, the joy in the in between and the meaning in the meantime”
It’s a prayer I have turned to many times since I’ve read it and one that helps on the roughest, most frustrating days.
This Saturday I have a wedding. No, I don’t have a date. Yes, I’m already having anxiety about it. But I am also looking forward to seeing the girl who’s has been like a little sister to me have an amazing date and start a new chapter in life with her soon-to-be husband. So friends, pray for me this weekend. Pray for little anxiety and much fun and for the Bride and Groom as the start the life together. Thank You ❤